How to avoid a shark attack
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How to avoid a shark attack
by Kim on Fri 27 Nov 2009 - 11:57
Seeing that its holiday time and most people will be going away to the sea I have decided to give you 6 tips on how to avoid a shark attack.
1. Never ever swim in the sea.
More than 90% of all shark attacks happen in large water masses also known as oceans.
The way to check if it is an ocean, taste the water, if it tastes of salt, chances are it is an ocean.
2. Always swim with fat people.
Make sure that there are always fat people swimming near you, there is a good chance that you can out swim a fat bitch and escape.
3. Doctor the sun block:
To ensure that the chances of attack are diminished, swap other peoples sun block cream with something that smells like braaied meat.
4. Never go into the ocean without a knife:
This is so that you can stab the swimmer nearest to you and turn them into shark bait, once they are bleeding profusely, swim away as fast as you can.
5. Listen carefully!
Every shark has a theme song if you hear the following-swim for your life:
da-dam. da-dam. da-dam, if it sounds like dadam dadam dadam - too late, you're stuffed already.
6. Do no not panic:
Remain calm if a shark has bitten you. You are already poked, panicking will not help you survive. Besides, the folks on the beach will appreciate it if you don't panic, have you ever heard how horrible it sounds when somebody screams in panic? It's not nice.....think about the children man
1. Never ever swim in the sea.
More than 90% of all shark attacks happen in large water masses also known as oceans.
The way to check if it is an ocean, taste the water, if it tastes of salt, chances are it is an ocean.
2. Always swim with fat people.
Make sure that there are always fat people swimming near you, there is a good chance that you can out swim a fat bitch and escape.
3. Doctor the sun block:
To ensure that the chances of attack are diminished, swap other peoples sun block cream with something that smells like braaied meat.
4. Never go into the ocean without a knife:
This is so that you can stab the swimmer nearest to you and turn them into shark bait, once they are bleeding profusely, swim away as fast as you can.
5. Listen carefully!
Every shark has a theme song if you hear the following-swim for your life:
da-dam. da-dam. da-dam, if it sounds like dadam dadam dadam - too late, you're stuffed already.
6. Do no not panic:
Remain calm if a shark has bitten you. You are already poked, panicking will not help you survive. Besides, the folks on the beach will appreciate it if you don't panic, have you ever heard how horrible it sounds when somebody screams in panic? It's not nice.....think about the children man
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Re: How to avoid a shark attack
by TarrynT on Fri 27 Nov 2009 - 11:59
I just got this also, flip I laughed its brilliant!!!
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Re: How to avoid a shark attack
by Sheena on Fri 27 Nov 2009 - 12:27
I read this the other day and laughed but guess what... I am the fat one so I am screwed!
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Re: How to avoid a shark attack
by Kim on Fri 27 Nov 2009 - 13:06
me too ... LOL ... but I heard sharks are scared of big dark objects so I guess black swimsuits it is
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