Finally!

Hello ladies

As with most newbies I suppose, I have been reading the comments and felt the warmth this site has to offer for some time now. (thanks Adele for recommending this)
As I already blog about my experience on TTC on www.parent24.com I thought joining another forum might just be a bit over the top, but I suppose you can never have too much support.

And I guess today I am in need of just a little more than usual.

Just a short background:
On 29 September 2007 I married the man of my dreams. Sometime's it feels as if I am still walking on clouds as I cant believe that after 2 years, we are still as happy and as in love as on the the day we got married- or even more so now than then. We are blessed.
Exactly 18 months later - on our 18 month anniversary - 29 March 2009 - I stopped drinking my "Pill" and our TTC road started.
As with many naive couples, I thought 3 months maximum is all that it would take to get pregnant.
Boy, was I wrong. It has been an very emotional roller coaster ride the past 8 months, and I am afraid I am still not pregnant!
Now, 8 months might not seem long to some of you, but in a way it has been the longest time of my life.
For, as all who knows me, know, as was born broody!

I am 28 and Husband is 35. I went for a checkup at the gynie before starting TTC - and all was fine then.
And so we have sticked to the advice of waiting at least a year and trying before going the medical route. I am drinking Centrum Materna - for the added folic acid and about a month ago also started drinking StaminoGro, Huband is on a balanced multivitamin for men.

As to what has gotten me so down today, I hope you don't mind, but I will copy and paste my blog entry for today:
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"I am having a real bad day- and it's only 10 yet.
Oi!

Warning TMI alert, do not read if your squirmish:

Now, you all know I have been waiting for the little 2nd line to appear on the OPK this month.
But it's now day18 and nothing yet.
I started testing on day 11, skipped day 12 and have tested everyday since. I test 1st thing in the morning - everyday. Had a very faint 2nd line on day 14, but not at all conclusive. I have been quite regular on my 28/29 days since forever - and in the 8 months TTC even after going of the pill I have only been late 2 times and not more than 3 days or so. So, if all was working well I should have had my 2nd line on the OPK already.
In August I used the OPK as well, and got my 2nd line on day 16- the day Husband went away for the long weekend!!! Since then I have not used the OPK again, thinking that I did not want it to be so scientific and I thought if I got one positve on ovulation it meant I ovulated every month.
Could I have been wrong? Do you think it's possible that I am not ovulating at all - or not every month?
But would AF be so regular if I did not ovulate?
I guess I will need to ask a doctor this.

Anyways, so this morning, after yet again not seeing a second line - and after a horrible nightmare last night in which a doctor told me it was no use even trying fertility treatment, as I had an abnormal vagina (which was too long!!!) and I would never be able to have children - I just broke down this mornig. Cried my eyes out - came late for work in an effort to calm myself down before getting here - actually I was just about ready to go, when Husband came, put his arms around me and asked my what was wrong (I was trying to hide my condition from him) so the moment he put his arms around me, I just let it all out again! Poor man.
I am beyond tired of trying and getting my heart broken so many time's, I am beyond searching for a reason as to why it seems everyone else is falling pregnant. I have had enough.
But giving up is not an option. I don't know how I will continue, but I can't give up either. And I feel like a weak person for feeling this way after just 8 months, knowing there are people out there who struggled much longer and much more.

Anyways, I am sort of allright, hoping I wont be bothered too much today as I am all teary eyed every 10 minutes or so!

If I can just hold on another 3 weeks untill the holidays, then I will take the time to pull myself towards myself and tackle the new year with hopefully some more energy. I am not going to wait the 12 months out - will be phoning for an appointment at a fertility specialist early January.

I am so ready to be done with 2009!"

So, I very long post for a 1st timer I suppose.

And just so you know, I normally get my emotions under wrap after a day or so of being "down" - so not all entries will be this sombre!

Sorry you feel so down, unfortanatly this road could be very long and full of bumps, but that is why we all are here. Hope you fell better very soon and may the new year bring us all in the ttc lounge our second line.

Hey!!! Welcome to OPM u will find all the support u need from the ladies here. Any questions we will all try our best to help. Good Luck!!!!! Hope u get your BFP soon soon.....

I pray that you get those 2 lines soon!!!!

welcome to opm ...hoping u r blessed soon

To OPM

Hope you get a soon

HI!! & Welcome to the family!!! Hope you are blessed with a BFP soon!!!! xx

Hi and welcome

I hope you dont mind me saying so but you shouldnt be testing (OPK's) first thing in the morning, the best time of the day is from 2pm
Good luck on your TTC journey and I pray you will receive your BFP very soon

Welcome to OPM! Hope you feel better soon! It is difficult to be patient when ttc'ing but God gives us the strength to make it through our long and troubled times and all of us on the forum are so lucky to have one another for support. There are so many out there travelling this emotional road alone. So you will just love the support here on OPM, we lean on each other through the troubled times!

Hi there and welcome! I hope you get your BFP soon!

Welcome to opm.

xoxoxoxo

Hi there

We all know that feeling! May your 2 lines come very soon.

Carien

I am soooooo HAPPY that you joined us!!!!!!





Ek hoop jy kry jou BFP baie baie gou!!!!!

Thank you so much for a very warm welcome!

I am feeling so much better today. And ready to travel on the TTC road again!

Hello! Welcome to OPM!