What am I doing wrong?

Hello mommies

First of all Happy new year to all of you, hope you had a wonderful festive season.

Well DH is officially back at work full time and that means I am alone with the twins all day. I also do the night feeds alone to give DH some rest. Luckily he does the 10 o'clock bottle but it just doesn't feel like much when I wake up.

I really need your help. When the girls wake up they scream for their bottles, which I can fully understand because they are hungry. But then after their bottles they also cry. I make sure they have a dry nappy, they get Gaviscon or Zantac for their reflux (oh and sometimes Bennets colic mixture) but nothing seems to settle them. It's a constant battle, when they are awake they cry the whole time, making me feel like crying as well. They do give the occasional smile but the crying soon follows. What can I be doing wrong? Do you think they are overstimulated? I never feed them in front of the tv, they are at home 95% of the time (they hate driving in the car. Weird cause I thought babies loved it, apparently not all babies )
They don't have any problem falling asleep after the 10/11 o'clock bottle or the 2/3 o'clock bottle but they are still waking every 3 hours. They weigh just over 4kg each and drink 90ml with each feed. Any tips for getting them to stretch their feeds during the night would be a great help.

Financially we can't afford a night nurse or day nanny, so that is just not an option right now. Going to my mom once a week and luckily dh will be able to help over the weekends. Right now I feel like booking myself in at Wes-Koppies.

Oh and apparently everything is suppose to be so much better after 12 weeks, well that is in 3 days time and I just have a feeling it's not going to make a difference for my two girls.

Have a nice day

Luv
Zellie

Shame hun, I dont have any advice for you, but I hope it gets easier very soon for you

Hi there
Shame man you must be exhausted! Firstly, it will get better and easier. It takes a bit longer with twins though. I must say it got easier when mine reached 6 months. (Now hell has broken loose again with them fully mobile ). Secondly, do you take them out for walks? The babysense writers says you have to physically stimulate them twice a day with a stroll or on a babyswing.

Re the feeds: do you wake them at all or do they wake up by themselves? Initially I woke the twins at 10pm for a change and feed, then left them to wake up for the next one by themselves. At first I woke #2 for the night feed when #1 woke up but later I stopped doing that - increasing the work but it just doesn't make sense to me to teach them to wake up, no? Then when they were bigger I stopped waking them at all and waited for them to wake up. By the time they are 5.5kgs they are metabolically able to sleep through. What I did then was to set a time, first midnight then 1 am ect, and try to stretch them to midnight before feeding them - dummy, patting ect. You will find that they sometimes surprise you by going down again. It is a reflex to pop in the bottle, and sometimes they just need a pat. But yours are still a bit tiny, I fear you will still have the night feeds for a while.

I promise you though that that time will pass and by the time yours are 1 like mine you won't even remember it well anymore!

Good luck!

Hi Zellie

It was exactly the same for me - so don't worry - I was alone with them all day for 4 months and also did all the night feeds. I also used to try like hell to extend their feeds and nothing worked - all I can say is that it does get better - I promise. You don't notice it initially but give it a month or so and then look back - and you will be amazed. We also did not and do not have money for a night nanny but you will survive. All I know is this forum really helps - if you look back at the posts I was about to have a nervous breakdown a month or so back myself. It will be ok - promise xxx

Hi Paulae

Thank you for replying so soon.

No I don't take them for a stroll and I don't have a baby swing. I only do leg exercises and some tummy time with them. I am actually to scared to take them for a stroll by myself. A woman got attacked here over December while working in her garden. I'll go have a look at the baby swings.

Regarding the sleep. I don't wake them at all, they wake by themselves exactly every 3 hours. Maybe you are right that they are still to small, but then I hear of other newborn babies already sleeping 5 hours at a time ... must be very lucky parents. They still share a cot but I am thinking of separating them this weekend. I just hope they don't miss sleeping together and start crying even more.

I know this time will pass and then one day I'll miss it again but man oh man it's hard work raising twins. I love them to bits but sometimes I really wish I could just sleep for 8 hours straight.

Thanks for your input and enjoy the rest of your day. Shame I can't believe your twins are turning 1 already. Enjoy them.

AMS - Thank you for the words of encouragement. I know you are right and soon I'll look back and wouldn't believe how they have changed. I just need to keep reminding myself that this is not permanent and they will get older and easier to manage. Till they get mobile like Paulae said, he-he.



Luv
Zellie

HI zellie

I am sorry you are struggling - I was there even with DH to take one we were not coping that constant crying drains you like nothing else can.

My suggestion if they have reflux and the zantac is not helping (which if they cry after feeds it is not!!) go to your pead and demand losec ( Kian went onto it at 14 weeks and we finnaly got some rest! (but only after I refused to leave the drs rooms). The reflux made him very hungry and he would cry for his food and then sleep one hour and then make up crying again. No matter what we did.

The bennets and buscopan together with losec helped. We tried dropping any of them and problems started again. Losec takes about 7 - 10 days to make a difference so hang in there but once it was working he ate less and slept better and cried a whole lot less.

It does get better as they get older - I found a big change once they could sit. But be warned growth spurts are hard, teething is hard, and if they get sick - terrible.

But hang in there. can you not afford a nanny once a week - we paid someone R 100 a day so that would be R400 a month to help. If you can get some rest once a week it might help. Are you taking all your vitamins they help too.

Hi Zellie,
I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I know you won't believe it, but it will get better soon. There was a time when I thought i'm never going to sleep again. But it just did.
Maybe you must try and seperate them. I seperated mine, each sleep in his own camp cot, one on my side and one on hubbies side, and it helped a lot. They do wake each other up sometimes. I never tried to stretch their feeds, especially cause Carmen is so small, just left them and feed them when they wake up. They just started sleeping for longer stretches, but was only at about 4 months old.
Ask the dr for Losec, it really helps alot
Good luck