Totally devasted!

Hi everyone,

I am so upset. We have gone through all the screening, the home visit, the medical tests etc etc. I just got a call from the SW and she said that the adoption board feel that we should go for fertility treatment! If after a year I have not fallen pregnant then they will re look at our application! We made it quite clear to her from the begining that we do not want to do fertility treatment. It wasn't only a decision made clearly on on finances but also we feel that if we did not fall pregnant then it was just the road God chose for us and rather opted to adopt. She said they also recommend us asking children's homes to look after babies on weekends as this might make me fall pregant because sometimes this happens when you being a mother to another child - oh please!!

This is so devastating and I'm in tears ..... how do I deal with this rejection?

I can't believe that they make decisions like that for you. I may be talking out of turn as I do not know the ins and outs of adoption but that sounds a little odd to me. There are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many children out there that need to be adopted.

Is there no way you can go through another SW or agency (if you can call them that).

Hi Sheena, thanks for your reply. We went through a government funded home, maybe we will have to look to Procare.

Hi Carmen

I can't believe it and especially the bit about falling pregnant when you look after a baby

I have emailed you, Sheena has a point maybe you should rather approach a private social worker

i'm so sorry this has turned out this way

Thanks Michele, I think we should approach a social worker. It's just when this happens, it makes me think even more "what's wrong with me" just like when trying to fall pregnant.

I must apologise for my spelling error in the topic line .... should be devastated not devasted

She said they also recommend us asking children's homes to look after babies on weekends as this might make me fall pregant because sometimes this happens when you being a mother to another child - oh please!!

Excuse me? WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF

Oh okay. So I have to babysit and that will scientifically make me fall pregnant. Looking after a baby will make my DH morphology better and his volume and everything. Well oh well. I can just kick my @ss that I never did this. Well what do you now!

WTF

Ag no man CLC. I'm really sorry about this. I get so worked up. They decide what's best for you, but a child doing TIK gets pregnant and she is allowed to keep her baby at age 18 or 15! Well that is just nice, but someone who is responsible and feels that they want to adopt should first go IVF. Ag no man! I'm out of words

Once again

Hey CLC

Im in exactly the same boat as you. Im not falling pregnant after 2 years of trying and at the end of the year, DH and i are wanting to adopt rather than do any IVF treatments..

Where are you based? i have a contact to a private adoption agency - the lady is apparently the Best!

Hi Adele, I know! Im also WTF??? I wished I had stayed calm on the phone with her to ask the right questions!
I think tomorrow I have to call her back and actually demand what the real reason is?? I really don't think shes being honest with me or maybe she forgot to mention to the board that we made the choice not to do fertility treatments?

I'm sorry, but that is BS! How can they insist that you go for fertility treatments at considerable cost? They cannot dictate how you build your family! I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Why didn't they mention anything before you went through the whole screening process?

Gosh I am sorry that is strange.

Unfortunately the thing about looking after babies helping you fall pregannt is true - I saw a study somewhere, but it helps the woman not the male factor things.

But really surely the choice over fertility treatmet is yours??

That is shocking!!!!!!!!!!

SO sorry hun. I hope you get a good private SW!

I'm still speechless about the looking after baby will help you

Same here Adele and also why the hell didn't they tell her this before she went the whole route of evaluations, screening, home visits Why waste her time like that!!!!