Introducing Reluctant Mom .... hiya!

I wanted to introduce myself to the forum - and tell you how relieved I am that this forum exists. I have been so frustrated trying to get adoption information and found that the only way I was getting anything was word of mouth. Fortunately I have a resilient constitution, and have been speaking to anyone who I can make contact with to give me an idea of what the process is, what to expect and how to go about it.

I have three biological children, and have this urge deep in my soul to adopt a fourth child. I can't explain it, I can't reason it, I can't even justify it - it just exists and the feeling has invaded me on the cellular level. Talk about a mild obsession! Tomorrow I have an orientation meeting with Child Welfare - am dead excited.

I have spoken to Pro-Care - I was a little shocked when I asked the SW to give me a ballpark figure of costs that I would probably be facing and she said R30 000.00. Gulp, then I read a post here that presented information in a neat format and that total was closer to R90 000.00 - er, double gulp.

So here I am, if you have something that you think will be useful that you think I need to know, please please please, throw it at me - any advise is appreciated, and most opinions would be considered. Some I might roll my eyes at, but that is the beauty of the internet ....

Hi and welcome to the forum!

You will get oloads of advice from the mommies here! Hope to see you on here often!

Welcome Welcome

I see you're also from Cape Town ! Whoohooo.

I unfortunatly don't know much about adoption etc but I assure you that you will get loads of information from people like Michmac who has been through adoption and Carmen who is currently going through the process and Hannah who adopted little baby Jaedin.

Enjoy your stay here!

Ooooooooooo I am so excited that the adoption side of things is picking up here. We have some fantastic success stories and some beautiful angels to show for it.

Welcome and I hope that you find the answers that you are looking for. Such a wonderful thing that you are going to do!

Hi girlie, welcome to this forum... so nice to see more adoptive mommies joining the forum!!!!

xx

Hi Reluctant Mom glad to see you on here!

Welcome to the forum, hope you find some useful information

Hi reluctant mom, welcome to the forum and I am sure you will get all the info you need from some of the ladies here!

Hi there,

Think I spotted you on another forum as well! Welcome to this one, it is full of information and experiences.
We adopted a LG last year, who will be 1 soon. She was 2 months old when we got her, so we did not have the experience of meeting the birth mom and being there for the birth. In a way I feel I missed out on her first 2 months, but I am so glad I did not have to live through the dreaded '60 days', as we only found out about her after that was over. So we had very short notice, one day to arrange leave and let everyone know, one day to buy the bare essentials, and then we were parents!
Hope the meeting goes well. Let us know!

Hi and welcome. Glad to see the Adoption section is getting some activity! As Adele said I'm still in the process of adopting and it's not an easy road so far. So far it's been an emotional rollercoaster and let downs for me but I know I will have my baby one day! Please excuse my negativity as it is a different road for everyone. Hope yours will be smooth sailing! All the best for the orientation meeting today

HI

What baby are you looking for white or coloured? I am not Christian and asked private social workers what my chances were to adopt a coloured girl and I was rebuffed - I think it was the religion thing.

anyway we have decided to try for one more of our own and then see but I am keep uptodate on adopting just incase we have no luck.

Whoop whoop welcome.

Good to see the adoption lounge growing as well as the Cape Town section.

Hi everyone, thank you for the welcome.

Today I went along to the Orientation session at Child Welfare. One of the stipulations they have is that as I have a child who is 9 months now, I cannot adopt until she is 18 months old. I am fine with that arrangement, but want to take the time now to do all the background and legwork.

At the moment I am probably more inclined to lean towards a black girl, but would probably also look at a coloured girl as well. My partner feels more of a lean towards a boy, but we need to discuss that a bit further.

I am super keen - like revvign to go to do this. My concern is that Kennith is a little less than keen. He worries about where we will be financially and the strain of a 4th child.

Last night we went out for an Asian meal, with the kids. There was chopsticks and noodles everywhere. Our baby was crying, it was total mayhem. We wake up this morning - and Kennith goes, you know, I really am thinking that a fourth is not that great an idea.

I am worried that I may be really driven/obsessed to do this, and at some point he might actually say "no." I am worried that that point might come. But that's today, maybe next week after the memory of our rather hectic dinner fades, he will start to warm to the idea again.

Does anyone else have experience where their partner is okay with the idea, but just not like very excited?

Due to us not having children, it is a joint decision to adopt which we both desparately want. The only little hurdle was on which sex! My husband obviously wanted a boy and I a girl. So after a little arguing we came to the compromise of not stipulating and rather be surprised as if I was pregnant. Also, we are adopting a coloured baby.

From time to time, my husband being level headed as he is worries about finances but I reassure him it will be okay and he goes back to being excited.

Adoption is very emotional as having your own children so it's natural for your husband to question or thinking its not a great idea. For me, I just feel that its very important that you and your husband are on the same page when it comes to adoption.