Babies & insecurity

Sorry guys but I seem to be taking over the forum today.

This is horrible to have to admit but I'm feeling so bad about it. So Finn seems to be such an insecure little baby - he is smaller - terribly demanding - (he catches a glimpse of you - starts shreiking to be picked up and then cries like hell the minute you put him back down again). He spots his brother 'nearer?' to me and starts pulling himself along on his tummy screaming in frustration/unhappiness? His brother doesn't care whether he is near you or not incidently so its defnitely not a competition in his eyes.

Ok, so he is either very happy or very unhappy but terribly demanding never the less. Now the thing is he absolutely DRAINS me so I find myself trying to get away from him in a sense?! Its bad I know. I find myself backing off as I just 'can't' afford to give him constant babying.

Now the thing is - He was pretty squashed in my stomach during pregnancy and was born with a little neck problem which we only discovered after 3 months of his screaming in agony. Now I'm not sure if he maybe picked up such insecurity from me in the beginning as obviously I was absolutely at my wits end and would sometimes kinda dump him in 'grannies' arms just to get a break. So two questions ... 1. Do you think all this insecurity is entirely my fault? (you can tell the truth) and more importantly 2. How do I fix this? I feel so guilty as my other child is just the easiest baby alive. Please know that I love them equally.

Ok, firstly it is NOT your fault not in the slightest, you are a great mommy my friend!

I think that you need to stretch your away time from him, you know leave him to cry for 2 min one day then pick him up, the next day leave him for three minutes then pick him up etc, eventually he will forget that he is so needy. I actaully have no advice here really, my boys were never demanding in that way, they would sit for three hours on their own when they were babies... terrible I know, haha. Encourage him to sit on his own, sit next to him on the floor and distract him with toys, then move away slowly...

I am sure that some of the other ladies will have better advice for you though. Remember that although they are twins they are still individual so they have completely different personalities, do not feel guilty for Noah, like you say you love them equally and that is all that matters

I feel so sad about it DJG - I just want to cry :< Think its cause I have been trying to ignore the problem. Its like the more he 'needs' me the more I want to run away - its horrible :< I so hope he doesn't have this huge complex now from me :<

Babe, I got you, trust me... I also feel that when the boys need me the most that is when I just want time out. I think that by sitting on the floor with him is a good start, show him mommy is still there but he needs to play on his own and then when it gets really hard, get hubby to watch them, lock yourself in the bathroom and call me mwah

ok sure :> You always know how to cheer me up :> thanks my darling - I'll give it my best bash xxx

I definitely don't think that it is your fault that he's like this. I firmly believe that babies - even twins - can be born with completely different temperaments. And even if you treat them exactlyt he same they will be different beause that is the way they were born.

My son sounds similar to Finn. Quite insecure and gets jealous of his sister if I show her too much attention. (we call him "Jealous George") He always wants to be picked up, cries at the slightest thing - ie if he wants something or can't do something. If I have Grace on my lap he will try to climb all over me and push her out of the way. She is just the easiest happiest little girl and not at all jealous.
She should be the 1 with the problems seeing as she was in the NICU for nearly a month. He came home almost immediately and had our undivided attention! I do think that their Nanny responds to his demands and picks him up a lot when he cries. I am thinking of telling her not to respond to his every whim as otherwise the whole situation will just perpetuate itself and he'll become a whiny jealous selfish child which I DON'T want!

I don't really have any other advice - just give him lots of love but don't drop everything and run to him as that is what he'll come to expect all the time.

Ams

My boys are exact coppies of your boys Kian cries alot and always wants to be held Connor is much easier and will play on his own. Kian was in NICU for 1 month and had reflux so I also wondered if that had something to do with it.

But some babies are just demanding. Unfortunately I think you just have to go with it they are at the insecure age so if you reassure him now then later he will be fine. I want my boys to be confident more than anything else so I will hold them when they want. Of course it is not always possible as things need to get done so then I just ignore him screaming for a little while.

But most importantly you need time out. I work half day just to have a break (OK we also need the money) but it is time to refresh.

mm i know, its so hectic - thanks so much for your support guys as I was really feeling bad about it all. Well last night I really made an effort to have a better attitide about it all and gave cuddles and sat with him but I also left him. I kinda leave him but talk to him from wherever I am so that he knows he is not being ignored. (doesn't help yet obviously) Kerry I also want them to be confident and know that i love them more than anything else so I hear what you are saying. I really take my hat off to moms who stay home because honestly I don't know if I could - it is so so hard. Maybe we should get Jealous George, Kian and Finn together and they could scream till their hearts are content

That is so funny! Imagine all 3 together! I also take my hat off to stay at home moms. I am absolutely exhausted by the end the weekend and quite look forward to the "break" of going to work come Mon morning!

Add Olivia to that list! She is always wanting to be picked up and cries woefully when I leave her alone. She was the bigger baby but also the one that neede a bit of extra help in the NICu, whilst Rachel was a go-getter from the first (she wants something, she goes and gest it, no matter where it is!).

For mine, it is just their personalities, but I also try to raise them to be independent and sure of themselves - not that easy!

I wanted nothing more than to be a stay at home mom until I had my first solo December, a whole month, that cured me LOL! I also take my hat off to any SAHM, I could not do it!

Hey, want to add Nica to the party!
She is also the bigger one, but going through a phase now where she constantly wants mommy and mommy's arms.
Kiana is just happy to keep herself busy and push stuff around.
I also try to sit down with Nica then and try to distract her with toys and then very slowly start moving a little bit away. Until i can get up and move elsewhere in the room.
Sometimes she is fine keeping herself busy for a while, but other times she just breaks into a very tearful cry and hands held up and crawling to me wherever i am !!!

Today i cried back to her - and she broke out in laughter!!! I dont know if it was my face or the sounds that i made when i started crying just like her.

That is brilliant Page, sometimes they do not know what they look like. I have done that with the boys when they have a tantrum, get right down and copy them, works like a charm.

How are things going Ams?

Hilarious - yes - I do that with Michael sometimes and he stops his grizzling dead in his tracks!