Eve - before your boys arrive :)

Hi Eve

Before your boys arrive I just want to say a few things that might be helpful.

I think you are going to be a great mommy and I really don't want you to feel bad when you see your babies for the 1st time and don't have that instant bond right away. I know a lot of woman say they had an instant bond/connection etc etc when they first saw their baby/ies but it doesn't always work like that. I only really felt that they were mine when they came home after 11 days in NICU and that's when I started loving them. It was so weird and I felt so bad for not having that instant connection ... I still can't explain it.

It's great that you'll have help in the beginning so use it to your full advantage. Take a long bath with headphones playing some nice soothing music. Also when your friend is looking after the boys, go sleep where you can't hear them crying, otherwise you'll be running to them in your sleep, he-he ... mommies are built that way.

Don't feel bad or like a failure when you don't have enough milk to breastfeed. You can only do so much and in the end I don't think I would have coped breastfeeding both during those 1st few weeks ... you really do feel exhausted. But it might just be your luck and you'll have plenty of milk. I think it's a great bonding experience if you can breastfeed. So good luck and may you have liters and liters of milk, he-he

Oeps, the girls just woke up ... I will continue my letter to you a bit later.

Maybe all the mommies can add a few experiences of their own here.

Luv
Zellie

I agree 100% with the bonding thing really - and I don't feel bad about it at all. How can one be expected to have this bond with 'someone' you don't know? (I think that instant bond thing is a myth). Anyway you also bond differently with each child as they have different personalities. One other thing - try and get someone (mom/mom in law/freind) to get to know the kiddies straight away as you will def need breaks and you won't take them at all if you can't trust your 'help' 100%! Thats it from this peanut gallery xx

I think half the battle is being mentally prepared for things like this, stays in NICU etc.

I took awhile to bond with Grace. She was in the NICU for nearly a month and I was actually too scared to handle her she was so tiny, whereas Michael was such a cuddly baby- even though he was small he was still well covered and came home after only 5 days so I had lovely bonding time wtih him. I was almost afraid to bring Grace home and it was still a few more weeks before I bonded properly with her.

If you can get someone to help out and give you a break it will be great and help preserve your sanity! But one thing is for sure - you will cope! I couldn't imagine how I would but I did!

Ah thanks ladies. You have no idea how nervous I actually have been about the bonding thing. I have never been a person who felt an instant connection towards someone or something, so I have been so scared that this is going to happen with the boys and that they will be aware of the fact that their mommy isnt bonding with them. I am also scared that I will go into depression, but if that happens, I am not afraid to go onto meds that will help.

I am so petrified of what lies ahead in the next few weeks/months!

But I know that I will always have you ladies to turn to!

x x x

No Eve! You mustn't be petrified - I got through my pregnancy by reminding myself constantly that there was lots to worry about if I chose to (hope that makes sense). Because I realised that once I allowed myself to worry I would be a basket case! Its going to be great! SO exciting really (I'm not one to bond chop chop either and I also lean towards depression). I'm so excited for you - and yes you not alone!

I also think it definitely helps to chat to other twin mommies. Paula helped me so much just in my mental preparation before the birth and ICU experience. Makes it a lot easier. Also - just take one day at a time - try not to worry long term.

I must agree with the instant bond, I love D, but you're so overwhelmed and drugged up and everyone always tells you about this "instant bond" - there is instant love.. but the first thing I felt when I saw my LB - was intense and utter fear! But the second he wrapped his tiny little hand around my finger...the bond hit and it is scary as all hell.

Eve you're going to be an awesome mommy!

I also had difficulty bonding in NICU, but it comes slowly but surely. You are so well prepared Eve, and you have loads of back-up, we are just a phone call away.

Both mine are screaming their heads off as I type - so this is my tip of the day: sometimes they scream, for no reason. It will not kill them. They will stop. And if you need it take a time out.

xxx

Thanks so much for everything ladies!!!!

Good luck eve you will do fine " I think DJG put it best you cope because there is no other option"

But seriously I felt all warm and gushy when they were born but as soon as they were taken from me (they only wheeled me through to NICU hours later) they felt like strangers. Also I have taken a long time to really bond with them Kians reflux did not help. But that does not stop you being a good mum.

also with the breastfeeding if they are prem it takes the milk lots longer to come in most people I spoke to took 6 days and then it takes more days to get up to producing lots. But with breastfeeding a positive determined attitued is the only way to go.

best of luck and remenber you are going to be very tired for the first two weeks so don't be hard on yourself.

With Dylan, I bonded instantly had no depression and was in my element.
With Jason and Grant, I had severe PND, and only bonded with them when they were seven months, so the instant bond is not a myth but also not a gaurentee...

And yes Eve, I know that you will be a great mommy to your boys but do not be afriad to appoach they feelings that come with being a single mother, it is 150% ok not to cope at time, that is something I battle with.

Hey, i thought it was only me..... but now i feel much better. You hear about mommies giving birth and the baby is with her all the time, and she has lots of time to bond...... and i think back and wonder if i "missed something special.... did i miss that bonding feeling because my girls were not with me all the time?

My girls were taken to the baby room and only wheeled out to me when they had to be fed, and when hubby came to visit... And obviously when i felt i need to sleep i wheeled them back or the nurse came to take them to the baby room.
So they were with me probably 50% of the day - maybe less. Even at bath time hubby bathed them with the nurses - i was never involved...... So for me there was no bonding in hospital at all. Even the breatfeeding was not "bonding", it was more an "effort" of getting this right!....So..... Eve dont feel bad if there is not a bonding at first sight... Obviously the first sight of them being born is overwhelming but take each day a minute at a time. And rest while in hospital. The baby nurses are awesome!

The bonding takes a while, and you will be an awesome mommy!

And just to add another thing which i had to remind myself many times..... you have only 2 hands and you can only look after one child at a time. If both are screaming and crying.... sort one out, and then get to the other one. Screaming and crying never hurt anyone... Its not easy when they are both crying - but you will get through it..... like DJG says since there is no other way.

You will be great!

Hey Hun,

I don't have twins but 3 boys and i can not agree more then with Page you ONLY HAVE 2 hands, honestly you can do what you can do, when you can and hell with the rest. Yip christopher was in NICU also for 10 days and it was tought and yuk and you def don't have that same connection. you all alone in your room and you feel like you miles apart from baby so take it easy my friend things will be fine hey and pop those antiD's if need be you ain't the first and def wont be the last.

Keep smiling.
Love
Robz