Looking after twins alone

Did any of you look after your twins alone in the beginning before you went back to work, or did you get help from the start?
I am not going to get much assistance on ML. My friend is working her backside off, and her DW works elsewhere 3 times a week, so I will still be alone. Just dont have to worry about cooking and cleaning for a while

I think you will cope - just don't try to be a hero, feed your boys then ly down and have a nap. then get up and feed and change them again. Also if your friends could do one feed for you eg the early eveniong feed so you can sleep or the 10pm one. It will be easier for you without putting too much on them.

I only got a helper at 2 months but my mom cooked dinner (otherwise I would not have eaten). DH healped alot but in the begginng they sleep alot so you can wake feed and change one and then wake feed and change the other.

TAmmy looked after her girls on her own most nights as DH was working or on trips and coped.

goodluck for tomorrow

Hi Eve. I also looked after mine alone when they came home from the NICU - husband was at work the whole day and he never got up at night to help me. I did have the domestic to help with the cleaning, but then I also had Danielle and I still managed to keep going. You will be OK!

Thanks. Was just reading some stories on twin mommies who have started out with a nanny, night nurse, and parents assisting them! I wont be able to afford that kind of help, and just wanted to know if this was the norm for twin moms

Hi Eve

It's hard work - but you'll cope. My hubby was not very hands on in the beginning, plus he had to work. The nanny I employed only started when they were 4 months old and I don't have a mom. My MIL is not a hands on type either. I did all the night feeds myself plus had them by myself during the day while hubby was at work. I as fortunate to have a cleaner 3 x a week though. For me the best was routine routine routine. Try and keep them on the same routine. And if people do offer you help - even if it is to make you a meal or two - accept gladly! And we are always here to help out emotionally if not physically!

A friend of mine had very preemie twins and when they finally got home she said the thing that made it easy for her was when one woke up to feed she made sure she woke the other so that they landed up getting into the routine of feeding within the same time frame. It eventually formed a routine where they slept and were awake at the same time so that she could get rest when needed.

Don't know if that is how it is meant to be but she said it worked for her.

She was also on her own and her little girls were in NICU for about 15 weeks. They are perfect 6 year olds now and she survived too. I am sure you will fine Eve, not saying it will be a breeze but once you get set into your routine and find your mojo you will be great!

Eve: You've managed to look after and keep us bunch under control... Anyone that can keep Adele and BB in line, can do anything... The Karate kids are gonna be a breeze compared to us

Hi Eve

It's good that you don't need to cook and clean in the beginning. You actually forget to eat. I think your boys will be big enough to drink 3 or 4 hourly. So when the one wakes up give him his bottle and after burping and changing his nappy wake up the other one. Make sure all your bottles for the night feeds are ready then you can just climb into bed after each feed.

When they sleep in the day have a nice bath and eat something. The 1st few weeks can be a bit crazy but they will pass and soon you'll forget about them. Don't be hard on yourself, you can only do so much. You are going to be a wonderful mommy.

Thinking of you today.

Luv
Zellie

Hi Eve
I know you will only read this once your boys are here. My girlies were in NICU for 5 weeks and when they came home I did have a nanny here 8am-5pm. My mom and MIL are both very hands on so I got quite a bit of help from them (they'd pop in during the day and just get stuck in helping out) - but I must say they actually helped me more when I just had Kieran home as a newbie baby. Guess they figured I could handle it. I also had Kieran (who was 20 months at the time) and very demanding so they helped out more with him then with the girls KWIM.

I only got a night nurse (every 3rd night) when the girls were 3 months old ... but otherwise pretty much did it on my own AND had to fit the girls into Kieran's routine to keep things as normal as possible for him. ROUTINE ROUTINE ROUTINE is all I can say, really try to establish one very early on and DO NOT FEED THEM ON DEMAND try to keep their feeds 3-4 hourly (they do this in NICU). If you do 3 hourly during the day you should be able to get them to do 4 hourly at night. If you can aim for the following feeding routine 6am - 9:30am - 12pm - 3:30pm - Bath Time at around 4:45-5:pm (because its getting colder now you dont want them bathing too late) - 6pm .... THEN 10pm - 2am - 6am. Some babies (quite often boys) cluster feed in the afternoons so they might want to feed a little more frequently what you can do in the case is give them about 30-40ml of their feed before bath which will help settle them and then so the remainder of the feed after bath.

In terms of bathing: this is the best option for establishing a night-time routine and is crucial for teaching newborn babies to differentiate day-night. Some people will tell you not to bath everyday, which I kindof started off doing with girls but soon saw that they needed that nighttime bath to settle. Followed by short gentle massage (rub some rescue remedy on the soles of their feet and temples too) and then FEED-WIND-FEED-WIND (same as if BF always wind halfway through a bottlefeed) and then continue.

What I used to do is bath 1 quickly (wrap in towel) - bath the 2nd quickly (wrap in towel), get both lotioned down and then start feeding them simultaneously (using BF to rest them on my lap), then wind one wind the other and complete feed. As soon as you settle down to feed turn off bedroom lights and feed in dimly lit room. Do not turn the lights on again till next morning .... do all night feeds and changing in dimly lit room.

Make sure everything you will need is out and lined up for use, like baby grows, nappies, aqueous creams, cotton wool, surgical sprirts etc. Including a change of clothes for each of them for during night if needed. Also before you go to bed make up the bottles you will need for night time feeds before hand and keep in insulated coolerbox. Formula feed can be kept at room temperature for 12 hours. And teach your boys not to drink their milk very warm, really luke warm it makes them less fussy - as long as not cold. Can always warm quickly for few seconds in microwave if needed. This is all advise I got from my mom and MIL (both of which had their own set of twins, I am a twin and my husband has set of twin sisters). It made the night time feeds smooth without the panic to get it all ready while two babies scream. And lastly always wake the other twin when the one wakes for feeds - keep them on the same routine or you will land up feeding 24-7 (which my mom did, she could never get my brother and I to eat together and sleep together).

I used to be able to bath them and get them both fed and settled in about an hour-hour and 20 mins. I still bath all three of my kids on my own now and get them all dressed and settled to bed in about 20 mins these days.

Please only use advise as you see fit ... your motherly instinct will kick in and you'll know what to do. I swear by two books: BABY SENSE and SLEEP SENSE so alot of the advice Im giving is based on it but it works.

Take care
Tam

I am going with Tam on the advice given.

I was on my own but had someone doing the cooking and cleaning and Dylan was 19 months when the twins came along, they are now happy, well adjusted kids, you will be awesome Eve.

And if you stuck you know where we all are and can come and get support

Hey eve
I know my message is a bit late, but i agree so much with what Tamm and the other ladies were saying...
Routine is the key here, and having them in the same routine of "Feed , Wake, Sleep" during the day, and Feed-Sleep during the night.

most of what Tamm said above is what i also told you 2 days ago.
I hope things are already getting better!

Its such a WOW feeling if something actually starts working - and it will , i promise you.

take care my friend and please phone if you need ANYTHING!!

Hi Eve

I do hope things are settling down a little for you ... would anyone mind PMing me Eve's phone number? I'd like to call her and see how she is doing? Offer some help if at all ... even just the offer of help on the other end of a phone.

Thanks Ladies
Tamara

I am still battling. They sometimes dont even make 2 and a half hours, never mind 3. And the times always change, eg, if it was 6am, 9am, 12 am etc yesterday, it could end up being 7:30am, 10:30am, 13:30pm etc today.
What am I doing wrong?

I have to end up feeding and winding one before starting on the other, cause if I do half feed, half burp etc, the other starts crying.

I dont understand why I am getting this wrong. I feel like a failure and that motherhood isnt for me, cause I have no natural instincts here

Flip Eve - I think you are doing amazingly well! Even if my hubby didn't actually do much he was there for me emotionally. You're doing this by yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself. Remember the first few weeks you and your babies are getting to know one another. You try one thing, it doesn't work so you try something else. I remember sitting at 2am googling "colic" trying to find out as much as I could about it, while my son screamed his head off.

Just a question re your feeds - how much are you giving them? They may be waking up earlier and needing more frequent feeding because they're hungry. My paed told me that a new babies intake in a 24 hr period should roughly equal between 150ml & 180ml for every kg of weight. Calculate the total and divide by the no of feeds you are giving. Just a suggestion.

Things will get better I promise - but I think no amount of "instinct" can prepare you for everything - especially when it comes to dealing with twins.

Eve it takes a while for the routine to settle in, it is definitely NOT that way from day 1. It can take weeks! The thing is to keep trying to get them there, and they will in the end. The first bit is really tough but it WILL get easier. The times will tend to change each day in the beginning till they settle down. Do they settle at all with a dummy? I initially tried to get them to finish each feed - if they left milk over I would keep trying to get them to take it after a bit, and that really messed up the schedules too. So then I stuck to the rule, if they don't finish the feed, then that is that, only feeding them again after 3 hours. You can try to stretch them a little bit with water too, but see how that helps. You are doing perfectly fine, Eve, they are your first kids and it makes it more difficult too. At least if one has an older kid one has had the chance to learn all these things the 'easy' way. Hang in there!