Jealousy in Twins

Hi fellow twin mums,

Just wondering if any of you have a jealousy problem with your twins? We have a bit of a problem with Michael being a very jealous little boy. He really doesn't like it if I have Grace on my lap, pick her up or pay her any special attention. They are very different in personality and he is very demanding of my attention, whereas Grace is happy to just play and cruise around - not demanding at all. I try to give them attention equally and will often take Grace out by herself just so they can each have individual attention. It's got to the stage where Michael is quite violent with Grace. Yesterday he hit her over the head with a tin and while in the bath clambered over her pushing her underwater. I feel so sorry for her - she's such a little thing - all she wants is to play with her brother, but I always have to supervise as I'm afraid he'll hurt her. Am hoping this is a stage that he'll grow out of.

Any advice is most welcome!!!

NOt much advice here but I have a similar problem. Connor is very jealous while Kian is more easy going. I someitmes hold both at the same time and COnnor screams and tries to push his brother away.

I am very firm with Connor and let him know it si not going to work that way.

Interms of playing rough Kian can be rough with Connor but for now I leave it unless COnnor has gotten hurt but I am trying to be firm with the dissipline, no hitting or biting.

But I also have a problem when connor takes kians toy frm him adn kian reacts violently I am not sure who to punish then?? so for now I have decided to leave it. since I think they punished each other.

We have the same problem Wendy. Bjorn plays so rough. He will just crawl over Carmen. Yesterday he pulled out her little pony. She was screaming. I always have to supervise, cause he is just all over the show. I havn't even tried bath thing together. I am to scared....

Hey Friends, i know exactly what you are talking about...
Mine are the same
Not so much the picking up ... although when its suicide hour (between 5 and 6) they want to just sit on mommy's lap at the same time and they both try to push each other off.. So i tell them that mommy loves both of them and both have the same right to sit on my lap, else no one sits ... and i put both down!

Playing is again another story....
Nica is the bigger one and Kiana the little one... and K loves to play on her own in a dreamworld, but also WANTS everything that Nica has and just walks over to her and takes it.....
But when Nica takes anything from Kiana its a REAL drama ....

I try to tell them firmly that "sharing is caring" and if they cant share then no one is having anything.

They are now reaching an age where they start to understand very well what you are telling them.

And Wendy.... my girls have been hitting each other on the head with anything possible... kitchen utensils, bath toys ... you name it!
But when N does the same to K - that little lady throws a tantrum of note!

!!!! The joys of having twins!!

Hey, forgot to add.... Although it might feel as if the jealousy is a problem, have you ever noticed how your twins act when among other kids.....
i have noticed when my girls are among other kids, they do very well playing together with the other kids and each other... and it usually the "other single" kids who has the jealousy factor and do not understand to share and play together.

I have noticed this more than once now with our friend's kids - we caravan camp with friends having a 3 year old boy, and he just cannot get himself to have the girls play with his toys, although he wants to play with all theirs. And on every trip i can see my girls doing "better with the sharing toys "and less jealously coming through.

So twins automatically learn to share and play together which is a big bonus! But i also believe its the way you as the parent handle the situations already now at home in a calm but firm way!

My boys are STILL like that and they will be THREE soon and poor Dylan also needs love and atttention. I also tell them that if they cannot share my lap then NO ONE gets to sit on it... and I generally let them fight it out after offering a solution, they can take it or leave it.

I can kind of relate to the jelousy that they have though and sometimes I think that it is more frustration, I mean imagine having another being in your space ALL the time!! Imagine your name is Jason, yet people are always calling you Grant... I would get annoyed too, LOL!!

Thanks for the feedback everyone. So it sounds like our family are not alone with these problems. I guess we'll just have to "ride it out". I did read an article whcih advised not to interfere too much when they fight over toys - teaches them to resolve things themselves without an adult always intervening. So I'm trying to hold back a bit and only intervene when things get violent!

I always offer the boys a solution and then let them have it out to a degree...

I've just noticed this starting in the last week.

Kendra is a daddy's girl but doesn't even want to SEE D play with Connor - she absolutely freaks out.

Tantrums don't do a thing to me (I find them funny because they SOOOO don't know me - I have no shy cells and don't get embarrassed easily) so I just ignore them but D gets suckered in.

I usually distract the jealous twin but am not confident it will continue to work.......... you know how they keep switching!