New and totally in the dark!

Hi

My name is Sheena.

I was referred to this website by my cousin Eileen Shaw who has relied on the support of everyone here during her horrid ordeal of losing Brayden as a result of Trisomy 18.

As this is my first time here I am not sure of all the jargon so will just type and hopefully I will learn as I go.

I am a very happily married 29 year old who has been with her amazing husband for 12 years. Last year we decided that it was time to start trying for a baby. The idea was to go off the contraceptive pill in Dec 07 and allow my body a break from all the hormones prior to the start of our “proper trying” in Dec 2008.

In hindsight, had I known what was in store for us, I would have never wasted my money on contraceptives in the first place!

To cut the long story short, due to strange occurrences I went to see my gynae who diagnosed PCOS. I actually do not know much about this condition as my gynae has the bedside manner of a brick and automatically assumes that patients know what he is talking about and has failed to explain anything to me in depth. All I know are bits and pieces that I have learnt from searching websites on the Internet and that I ovulate very irregularly if at all.

I was prescribed a course of Provera to force a “starting point” and have been on four courses of Clomid. The next step I am told is ovarian drilling which I have decided to put on hold until Jan 09 after consulting with a fertility specialist and finding out more about my options.

I suppose my real reason for joining this group at this stage is to possibly find out more about what I am dealing with and what my options are.

Right now I don’t know what my emotions are. I look at some of the other stories on this website and I feel like an idiot for even thinking I have it bad when I look at what others have had to go through.

I think I am also angry that this is happening. I have such an amazing relationship with my husband and our babies were meant to be conceived through the “fairytale” that our relationship is and not through doctors telling us when and how we should do things.

I don’t think I have given up hope yet as this is merely the first step of our long journey and I am sure we still have many options to pursue.

I am quite surprised at my positive attitude and the thought that if it never happens, I just have to accept it as God’s will and happily carry on life as it is. My theory is I have never had a baby so will never know what I am missing BUT in the same token this could just be my protection mechanism kicking in and pushing everything to the back of my mind into the DENIAL compartment. I mean what if this is it and there will never be a baby?

Are all these feelings normal?

Can anyone with PCOS recommend a good fertility specialist? I have been told the team at Morningside (VitaLab – I think) are great and to stay clear of Sandton Medi-Clinic! Any suggestions from those who have worn the t-shirt?