Photo's to my social worker

So today is the day that i have to send photo's to my social worker for Rebecca's birth mom and as with each time i do this i feel like my heart is breaking. Dramatic as that may sound i am torn in two, i want her birth mom to know that she is happy, healthy and loved but a small part of me wants to just keep her all to myself and put my head in the sand and pretend she doesn't exist, how stupid is that Don't get me wrong i am eternally grateful to her for the choice she made and for giving me the honor of being Rebecca's mom but as Rebecca grows up i find it more and more difficult to share her. I know i have to get over this because as she gets older the questions will only become more difficult but right now my heart is fighting my head and not wanting to deal with the reality. I know there aren't many adoptive mom's on this forum but i'm really hoping someone can give me advice on how they handle this.

Hi Mich

I am sorry that you are now faced with this. May I ask why you have to show her photos?

Oops sorry Eve i worded that incorrectly i meant i have to send again. I've been sending them since Rebecca was born, round about every 4/5 months i'll send some photo's and an update of how Rebecca is doing. It's what i agreed to from the get go it's just that it's so easy to say yes yes yes i'll do this or i'll do that but OMW it is seriously easier said than done at this stage. I sound terrible saying this because all her birth mom gets are these photo's and an update so i sound selfish saying it's hard to send them but the truth is it's VERY hard.

I can just imagine. I wish I had some advice for you Michmac. I am sure that in your shoes I wouldnt want to do it either.

perhaps you can limit the number of photos to say two and send the update as bullet points so it is factual only.

HI M

I really do not know what to say to you.

Oh I can imagine Mich. I dont have any advice for you unfortunately. Hope someone here does. Wishing you loads of strength to get through this!

I am not in your situation but I think it is only natural to feel like that. In every sense of the word Rebecca is your daughter but I think in the back of any adoptive mother's mind you always have the "what if's" about the birth mother. Not so much at this stage, of her wanting to take Rebecca from you but about her knowing about her etc and still being a part of her life albeit behind the scenes.

It is you wanting the best for her and wanting to protect her from anything that can upset her or hurt her.

I'm sure that every time the birthmother looks at those photos it must be very hard for her too as she sees the enormity and beauty of what she has had to give up.

Just take comfort in knowing that they are only pictures and that the real deal is safely in your home and heart with you and ONLY you.

HUGS

I can only wish you luck and the strength Michmac.

Ah Michmac, I can only imagine how hard it is... I also would have HUGE trouble sending pictures.

big hugs

Sheena wrote:I'm sure that every time the birthmother looks at those photos it must be very hard for her too as she sees the enormity and beauty of what she has had to give up.
Just take comfort in knowing that they are only pictures and that the real deal is safely in your home and heart with you and ONLY you.

Thank you Sheena, you are so right, she has given up an enormous amount and i think i sometimes loose sight of that. I needed to hear that!!

Thank you ladies, your support means the world to me

Hi Michmac, Sheena always says the right things
I'm obviously not in your position, well not yet anyway, and I have often wondered how I'm going to share info about my daughter/son with the birthmom and to be honest I don't think I will handle it very well. It must be so difficult for you, so just wishing you strength to deal with this huge emotional feeling

glad you think so beause I normally have foot IN mouth disease!

LOL Sheena, you know what I've said to you before about what your chosen profession should be ......

Ok i've done it, i must of edited the email a 1000 times but i've done it for the final time and sent it off to the sw and i actually feel much better now, thanks ladies and thank you Sheena , Carmen's right you know when to say the right thing.

Carmen thanks for the kind words and welcome back!!

@ Carmen

Michmach, proud of you! Well done