Heartbroken

Last night I was emotionally drained. I cried out to the Lord, to ask for his hand of forgiveness.

I cried last night and kept on asking God!!

WHY he is making me go through this?? WHY was it so EASY for me to conceive out of wedlock and for a lot of others who want kids it not!! I had all these questions, literally crying uncontrobly. I told God that his word says: "Ask and ye shall receive". I told him I wasn’t asking or begging but He graciously gave, but I was so cruel.

Here is my open story:

I had met a man about four months ago in a bar. He was seperated from his wife, pending a divorce in June. We got along so well, I SAVEd his life, I went through 3 sucidials with him, when he needed a friend I would drop and go running to him. We then developed emotional feelings for one another. I am currently 24 years and he is now 33 years. He dated his exwife for 3 years and was then married for 3 years. I was a virgin on the night we conceived. This was very tramatic for me. This man i loved so much was during those four months pushing me away then grabbing me back then pushing me away again. I didnt know what his true feelings were for me. We then broke it off but told him I was expecting, he was delighted, he was happy. I kept asking myself why am i not. Was it because of how i was brought up or what. Anyways i went to the first doc appointment alone because he had to work. It was confirmed that i was pregnant. This was an emotional overload and i could not handle it, i handle issues by running from them. Anyways, he then went and told his fam and they excepted it well. I wasnt that keen to tell my fam as i was still young and didnt know how they would handle it! I then spoke to a friend, who i thought was a decent friend, he told me that i shouldnt go through with this as i will be messing my life and his and the kids lives. I then made the mistake of lying to the man i love, the father of the kids i was carrying. I wanted him to move on i wanted him to forget me, i wanted him to hate me. I told him that i was at another gynes cause i knew he would find out, i then told my fam on my own recently. I started to miscarriage on monday night, didnt realise it takes a few days until you see the the whole thing come out. But I lied to this man who i loved, he now hates me and never wants children again. I dont know why i did it. I need him to get through this but he is now gone.

Please pray for me, Please i need the strenth

Hi Sammy and welcome to the forum

You have been through ALOT recently.

Have you considered seeing a therapist to help you? Do you have any friends that are supporting you through this?

At the moment I dont want friends
Feel i dont deserve to be helped through this

YOU DESERVE TO BE HELPED!!!! YOU MUST HELP YOURSELF!!!!

I feel so sorry for you, all this that you are going throught all on your own, you need to be with someone that loves you and that will support you!!

Please Please confide in a friend or your mother or anybody and please take up Eve's advise by going to go see somebody!!

And welcome to the group the ladies here will offer you tons of support and warmth

Hi Sammy! So sorry for all the hurt you are going through.

i pray that you find strength and encouragement

I am so sorry for everything that u have had to go through by urself.hoping u have someone to help u

Hi Sammy. Welcome and i hope you get the support you need. Remember you are very special and you deserve to get the support. Also, you need to forgive yourself, and please talk to someone, you can't go through this alone. Sometimes it is easier to talk to a stranger, so consider seeing someone. In the meantime, we will give you all the support you need.